[Gogglist_pub] Preliminary version PranaView Aura Goggle Booklet

[Rockaby Road]

I was mostly reading for punctuation, typos, and obviously awkward  
grammar and non sequiturs. I do a lot of writing of all sorts and  
I've done some modest proofing for a small, now defunct, periodical.


pg 1
"J .J. Williamson" > read > J. J.
"Mark T, and Eric A.," > read > Mark T.,
pg 2
"materialistic scientific" > read > materialist [I think  
materialistic has come to be used predominantly with the sense of  
loving material possessions more than just someone who only sees  
materiality in the universe]
"outgases a small amount of organic volatiles and skin" > [are small  
particles of skin actually outgased?]
"various kinds, (chemical, electrical, magnetic,)" > read > various  
kinds (chemical, electrical, magnetic),
"high-school" > read > high school
"for two reasons." > read > for two reasons:
"can recognize that fact in themselves" > read > can have validation  
of their own experience [or some such phrasing would be less marked  
grammatically]
pg 3
"will gradually come into the light of their own minds" [that whole  
sentence is self-conscious, rewrite it or just take it out entirely]
"it also forms" > read > it would also form [so the verbal structure  
parallels the one right before: "such a scale would allow"]
"aura filters.." > read > filters.
pg 4
"why this is would be" > read > why this occurs would be
"do not gaze at the Sun or" > read > sun [can't see any reason for  
sun to be capitalized unless it's stylistic with you]
"30 - 45 seconds" > read > 30-45 [these kinds of gaps I assume aren't  
stylistic but they're occurring because of justification of text. A  
nonbreaking hyphen might solve it]
"infra-red" then later in the same paragraph "infrared" > [doesn't  
matter which one you use but be consistent]
pg 5
"Sun is still free" > read > sun [see above similar pg 4]
"It's a poor idea most times" > [a bit too informal, almost dialect]  
rewrite the whole section >It's generally a bad idea to look directly  
at the sun or its reflection while wearing aura googles. To do so is  
to risk irreversible eye damage.
"30 - 45" > read > 30-45 [see above similar pg 4]
pg 6
"Auras are themselves a low light phenomenon" > [do you mean viewing  
auras is a low light phenomenon or the actual aura is a low light  
phenomenon?] read? > Viewing auras is. . .
"ones hands" > read > one's hands >or> ones' hands
pg 7
"This is quite inexpensive. . ." [This comment sounds a little bit  
insulting to me, no big deal but I'd personally delete the whole  
sentence. It's an attempt at humor which doesn't quite work for me]
"which is what television people would call" > [awkward] read > which  
in the television industry is called
"follow one of the following procedures" > [the steps 1-6 on pgs 7-8  
could be renumbered. No 3 could probably be combined with No 2; an  
either/or shouldn't be two separate Nos 5 and 6, maybe either 5a or  
5b instead. Write it so it's one procedure with variations rather  
than sounding like multiple procedures]
pg 8
"Begin Observations." > read > Begin observations. [The all caps  
sentence looks like a subject head without content following]
pg 9
"shadowy, gauzy figuration" > read > a shadowy, gauzy figuration > or  
 > shadowy, gauzy figurations
"mist like" > read > mist-like
"but in a new configuration." > read > but in a new configuration, as  
depicted in Figure 2. [you referenced fig 1 in the text but didn't do  
the same consistently for fig 2]
"your condition and auric awakening" > read > your condition of auric  
awakening [but you've used condition(s) three time in the sentence so  
change one] > the degree of your auric awakening
pg 10
"But, when have you ever taken our advice?" [When haven't we? I don't  
see what this refers to at all. Delete it completely]
"1/16 to ¼" > [change the typography of one or the other fraction so  
they match]
pg 11
"Remember that you want to be able to put the observer into a  
mesoptic visual regime when you start viewing the aura." > [Who is  
the observer? the "you" of the sentence I assume, though it sounds  
like it's someone else present; why "want to be able" rather than  
simply "need to" ; not "regime", you probably meant 'regimen' but  
that's not exactly it either] read > Remember, as the observer your  
eyes need to be in a mesoptic visual state/condition when you start  
viewing the aura.
"and / or" > read > and/or [probably another artifact of justifying  
the text]
"this is surprising, upon reflection" > read > "upon reflection."
"either the Sun or" > read > sun [it can't be stylistic because it's  
not consistent!, sometimes you use lower case "s"]
pg 12
"best to use an IR lamp" > [only instance you use IR instead of  
infrared, not consistent. If you wish to use IR for infrared alert  
the readers in the previous sentence: "Try the same experiments using  
an infrared (IR) lamp." and then just continue using "IR" in place of  
infrared for the rest of the booklet.
"There are many things that it is possible to do in  
groups. . ." [orgies for one. Awkward and mistakenly humorous] > read  
 > There are many PranaView experiments you can perform with three or  
more persons:
"acts of the Gods" > [I believe Cap "G" is used when referring to a  
single monotheistic god] read > acts of the gods
"or the Immanenitization of the Eschaton" > [if you want to bring  
this off at least spell it correctly, "immanentization" but I don't  
think it works] try? > or any negative effects caused by the Immanent  
Presence/Coming of the Eschaton
pg 13
"Return Merchandise Authorization" > add > Return Merchandise  
Authorization (RMA) [online buyers are familiar with the acronym and  
it might add clarity in case they may know the acronym but not what  
it stands for]
"It is not waterproof, although the glass elements are uncoated." >  
[Did you mean "coated"?]

It's not clear if the Limited Guarantee covers multiple disassemblies  
or any disassembly at all. You might want to clarify that.

Why is TOC at the end rather than beginning?



Yours
Matthew


On May 1, 2010, at 11:17 AM  May0110, Tom Beauchamp-Arnold wrote:

> Good gentles,
>
>
>
>             Here is a preliminary version of the PranaView Aura  
> Goggle Instruction Booklet.  It is an entirely new and  illustrated  
> write-up.  Undoubtedly there will be some points of discussion, but  
> I am not going to rush this to the printer, so we have time for  
> consideration.
>
>
>
>             Please let me know if you have comments, or reply on list.
>
>
>
> PranaView Aura Goggle Instruction Booklet
>
>
>
> Blessings,
>
> tom
>
>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Gogglist_pub mailing list
> Gogglist_pub at primummobile.org
> http://primummobile.org/mailman/listinfo/gogglist_pub_primummobile.org

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