[Gogglist_pub] Preliminary version PranaView Aura Goggle Booklet

Mon May 3 18:12:56 EDT 2010

Matthew,

            Thanks very much for your comments— I appreciate the time you
took to carefully read my paper & respond.  I will seriously consider your
suggestions for the next revision.

thanks again,

tom

Thomas Beauchamp-Arnold

Owner

tom-ba at tba-consulting.com

Tel 617.787.5720

www.tba-consulting.com

  _____  

From: Rockaby Road [mailto:372rockabyroad at gmail.com] 
Sent: Monday, May 03, 2010 4:05 PM
To: tom-ba at tba-consulting.com; Gogglist public
Subject: Re: [Gogglist_pub] Preliminary version PranaView Aura Goggle
Booklet

I was mostly reading for punctuation, typos, and obviously awkward grammar
and non sequiturs. I do a lot of writing of all sorts and I've done some
modest proofing for a small, now defunct, periodical.

pg 1

"J .J. Williamson" > read > J. J. 

"Mark T, and Eric A.," > read > Mark T., 

pg 2

"materialistic scientific" > read > materialist [I think materialistic has
come to be used predominantly with the sense of loving material possessions
more than just someone who only sees materiality in the universe]

"outgases a small amount of organic volatiles and skin" > [are small
particles of skin actually outgased?]

"various kinds, (chemical, electrical, magnetic,)" > read > various kinds
(chemical, electrical, magnetic),

"high-school" > read > high school

"for two reasons." > read > for two reasons:

"can recognize that fact in themselves" > read > can have validation of
their own experience [or some such phrasing would be less marked
grammatically]

pg 3

"will gradually come into the light of their own minds" [that whole sentence
is self-conscious, rewrite it or just take it out entirely]

"it also forms" > read > it would also form [so the verbal structure
parallels the one right before: "such a scale would allow"]

"aura filters.." > read > filters.

pg 4

"why this is would be" > read > why this occurs would be

"do not gaze at the Sun or" > read > sun [can't see any reason for sun to be
capitalized unless it's stylistic with you]

"30 - 45 seconds" > read > 30-45 [these kinds of gaps I assume aren't
stylistic but they're occurring because of justification of text. A
nonbreaking hyphen might solve it]

"infra-red" then later in the same paragraph "infrared" > [doesn't matter
which one you use but be consistent]

pg 5

"Sun is still free" > read > sun [see above similar pg 4]

"It's a poor idea most times" > [a bit too informal, almost dialect] rewrite
the whole section >It's generally a bad idea to look directly at the sun or
its reflection while wearing aura googles. To do so is to risk irreversible
eye damage.

"30 - 45" > read > 30-45 [see above similar pg 4]

pg 6

"Auras are themselves a low light phenomenon" > [do you mean viewing auras
is a low light phenomenon or the actual aura is a low light phenomenon?]
read? > Viewing auras is. . .

"ones hands" > read > one's hands >or> ones' hands

pg 7

"This is quite inexpensive. . ." [This comment sounds a little bit insulting
to me, no big deal but I'd personally delete the whole sentence. It's an
attempt at humor which doesn't quite work for me]

"which is what television people would call" > [awkward] read > which in the
television industry is called

"follow one of the following procedures" > [the steps 1-6 on pgs 7-8 could
be renumbered. No 3 could probably be combined with No 2; an either/or
shouldn't be two separate Nos 5 and 6, maybe either 5a or 5b instead. Write
it so it's one procedure with variations rather than sounding like multiple
procedures]

pg 8

"Begin Observations." > read > Begin observations. [The all caps sentence
looks like a subject head without content following]

pg 9

"shadowy, gauzy figuration" > read > a shadowy, gauzy figuration > or >
shadowy, gauzy figurations

"mist like" > read > mist-like

"but in a new configuration." > read > but in a new configuration, as
depicted in Figure 2. [you referenced fig 1 in the text but didn't do the
same consistently for fig 2]

"your condition and auric awakening" > read > your condition of auric
awakening [but you've used condition(s) three time in the sentence so change
one] > the degree of your auric awakening

pg 10

"But, when have you ever taken our advice?" [When haven't we? I don't see
what this refers to at all. Delete it completely]

"1/16 to ¼" > [change the typography of one or the other fraction so they
match]

pg 11

"Remember that you want to be able to put the observer into a mesoptic
visual regime when you start viewing the aura." > [Who is the observer? the
"you" of the sentence I assume, though it sounds like it's someone else
present; why "want to be able" rather than simply "need to" ; not "regime",
you probably meant 'regimen' but that's not exactly it either] read >
Remember, as the observer your eyes need to be in a mesoptic visual
state/condition when you start viewing the aura.

"and / or" > read > and/or [probably another artifact of justifying the
text]

"this is surprising, upon reflection" > read > "upon reflection."

"either the Sun or" > read > sun [it can't be stylistic because it's not
consistent!, sometimes you use lower case "s"]

pg 12

"best to use an IR lamp" > [only instance you use IR instead of infrared,
not consistent. If you wish to use IR for infrared alert the readers in the
previous sentence: "Try the same experiments using an infrared (IR) lamp."
and then just continue using "IR" in place of infrared for the rest of the
booklet.

"There are many things that it is possible to do in groups. . ." [orgies for
one. Awkward and mistakenly humorous] > read > There are many PranaView
experiments you can perform with three or more persons:

"acts of the Gods" > [I believe Cap "G" is used when referring to a single
monotheistic god] read > acts of the gods

"or the Immanenitization of the Eschaton" > [if you want to bring this off
at least spell it correctly, "immanentization" but I don't think it works]
try? > or any negative effects caused by the Immanent Presence/Coming of the
Eschaton

pg 13

"Return Merchandise Authorization" > add > Return Merchandise Authorization
(RMA) [online buyers are familiar with the acronym and it might add clarity
in case they may know the acronym but not what it stands for]

"It is not waterproof, although the glass elements are uncoated." > [Did you
mean "coated"?]

It's not clear if the Limited Guarantee covers multiple disassemblies or any
disassembly at all. You might want to clarify that.

Why is TOC at the end rather than beginning?

Yours

Matthew

On May 1, 2010, at 11:17 AM  May0110, Tom Beauchamp-Arnold wrote:

Good gentles,

            Here is a preliminary version of the PranaView Aura Goggle
Instruction Booklet.  It is an entirely new and  illustrated write-up.
Undoubtedly there will be some points of discussion, but I am not going to
rush this to the printer, so we have time for consideration.

            Please let me know if you have comments, or reply on list.

PranaView Aura <http://primummobile.org/tiki-download_file.php?fileId=24>
Goggle Instruction Booklet

Blessings,

tom

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