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<div>I was mostly reading for punctuation, typos, and obviously awkward grammar and non sequiturs. I do a lot of writing of all sorts and I've done some modest proofing for a small, now defunct, periodical.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>pg 1</div><div>"J .J. Williamson" > read > J. J. </div><div>"Mark T, and Eric A.," > read > Mark T., </div><div>pg 2</div><div>"materialistic scientific" > read > materialist [I think materialistic has come to be used predominantly with the sense of loving material possessions more than just someone who only sees materiality in the universe]</div><div>"outgases a small amount of organic volatiles and skin" > [are small particles of skin actually outgased?]</div><div>"various kinds, (chemical, electrical, magnetic,)" > read > various kinds (chemical, electrical, magnetic),</div><div>"high-school" > read > high school</div><div>"for two reasons." > read > for two reasons:</div><div>"can recognize that fact in themselves" > read > can have validation of their own experience [or some such phrasing would be less marked grammatically]</div><div>pg 3</div><div>"will gradually come into the light of their own minds" [that whole sentence is self-conscious, rewrite it or just take it out entirely]</div><div>"it also forms" > read > it would also form [so the verbal structure parallels the one right before: "such a scale would allow"]</div><div>"aura filters.." > read > filters.</div><div>pg 4</div><div>"why this is would be" > read > why this occurs would be</div><div>"do not gaze at the Sun or" > read > sun [can't see any reason for sun to be capitalized unless it's stylistic with you]</div><div>"30 - 45 seconds" > read > 30-45 [these kinds of gaps I assume aren't stylistic but they're occurring because of justification of text. A nonbreaking hyphen might solve it]</div><div>"infra-red" then later in the same paragraph "infrared" > [doesn't matter which one you use but be consistent]</div><div>pg 5</div><div>"Sun is still free" > read > sun [see above similar pg 4]</div><div>"It's a poor idea most times" > [a bit too informal, almost dialect] rewrite the whole section >It's generally a bad idea to look directly at the sun or its reflection while wearing aura googles. To do so is to risk irreversible eye damage.</div><div>"30 - 45" > read > 30-45 [see above similar pg 4]</div><div>pg 6</div><div>"Auras are themselves a low light phenomenon" > [do you mean <font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">viewing</span></font> auras is a low light phenomenon or the actual aura is a low light phenomenon?] read? > Viewing auras is. . .</div><div>"ones hands" > read > one's hands >or> ones' hands</div><div>pg 7</div><div>"This is quite inexpensive. . ." [This comment sounds a little bit insulting to me, no big deal but I'd personally delete the whole sentence. It's an attempt at humor which doesn't quite work for me]</div><div>"which is what television people would call" > [awkward] read > which in the television industry is called</div><div>"follow one of the following procedures" > [the steps 1-6 on pgs 7-8 could be renumbered. No 3 could probably be combined with No 2; an either/or shouldn't be two separate Nos 5 and 6, maybe either 5a or 5b instead. Write it so it's one procedure with variations rather than sounding like multiple procedures]</div><div>pg 8</div><div>"Begin Observations." > read > Begin observations. [The all caps sentence looks like a subject head without content following]</div><div>pg 9</div><div>"shadowy, gauzy figuration" > read > a shadowy, gauzy figuration > or > shadowy, gauzy figurations</div><div>"mist like" > read > mist-like</div><div>"but in a new configuration." > read > but in a new configuration, as depicted in Figure 2. [you referenced fig 1 in the text but didn't do the same consistently for fig 2]</div><div>"your condition and auric awakening" > read > your condition of auric awakening [but you've used condition(s) three time in the sentence so change one] > the degree of your auric awakening</div><div>pg 10</div><div>"But, when have you ever taken our advice?" [When haven't we? I don't see what this refers to at all. Delete it completely]</div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">"1/16 to ¼" > [change the typography of one or the other fraction so they match]</span></font></div><div>pg 11</div><div>"Remember that you want to be able to put the observer into a mesoptic visual regime when you start viewing the aura." > [Who is the observer? the "you" of the sentence I assume, though it sounds like it's someone else present; why "want to be able" rather than simply "need to" ; not "regime", you probably meant 'regimen' but that's not exactly it either] read > Remember, as the observer your eyes need to be in a mesoptic visual state/condition when you start viewing the aura.</div><div>"and / or" > read > and/or [probably another artifact of justifying the text]</div><div>"this is surprising, upon reflection" > read > "upon reflection."</div><div>"either the Sun or" > read > sun [it can't be stylistic because it's not consistent!, sometimes you use lower case "s"]</div><div>pg 12</div><div>"best to use an IR lamp" > [only instance you use IR instead of infrared, not consistent. If you wish to use IR for infrared alert the readers in the previous sentence: "Try the same experiments using an infrared (IR) lamp." and then just continue using "IR" in place of infrared for the rest of the booklet.</div><div>"There are many things that it is possible to do in groups. . ." [orgies for one. Awkward and mistakenly humorous] > read > There are many PranaView experiments you can perform with three or more persons:</div><div>"acts of the Gods" > [I believe Cap "G" is used when referring to a single monotheistic god] read > acts of the gods</div><div>"or the Immanenitization of the Eschaton" > [if you want to bring this off at least spell it correctly, "immanentization" but I don't think it works] try? > or any negative effects caused by the Immanent Presence/Coming of the Eschaton</div><div>pg 13</div><div>"Return Merchandise Authorization" > add > Return Merchandise Authorization (RMA) [online buyers are familiar with the acronym and it might add clarity in case they may know the acronym but not what it stands for]</div><div>"It is not waterproof, although the glass elements are uncoated." > [Did you mean "coated"?]</div><div><br></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><b>It's not clear if the Limited Guarantee covers multiple disassemblies or any disassembly at all. </b>You might want to clarify that.</span></font></div><div><br></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><b>Why is TOC at the end rather than beginning?</b></span></font></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Yours</div><div>Matthew</div><div><br></div><br><div><div>On May 1, 2010, at 11:17 AM May0110, Tom Beauchamp-Arnold wrote:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><blockquote type="cite"> <div class="Section1"><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial">Good gentles,<o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"> Here is a preliminary version of the PranaView Aura Goggle Instruction Booklet. It is an entirely new and illustrated write-up. Undoubtedly there will be some points of discussion, but I am not going to rush this to the printer, so we have time for consideration.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"> Please let me know if you have comments, or reply on list.<o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><a href="http://primummobile.org/tiki-download_file.php?fileId=24" title="http://primummobile.org/tiki-download_file.php?fileId=24">PranaView Aura Goggle Instruction Booklet</a><o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial">Blessings,<o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial">tom<o:p></o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p><p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2" face="Arial"><span style="font-size:10.0pt; font-family:Arial"><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p> </div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">_______________________________________________</div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; ">Gogglist_pub mailing list</div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><a href="mailto:Gogglist_pub@primummobile.org">Gogglist_pub@primummobile.org</a></div><div style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; "><a href="http://primummobile.org/mailman/listinfo/gogglist_pub_primummobile.org">http://primummobile.org/mailman/listinfo/gogglist_pub_primummobile.org</a></div> </blockquote></div><br></body></html>